Spica

Afternoons where I just whisper your name out- how many times have I cried now, because you're always on my mind somehow? But a superficial love... surely will never reach you. Melodies are constantly born on my piano, bittersweet and over flowing; this resonating after glow- when will it touch your heart?


I went on a date today. The first one in over 2 years, with N. He was sweet, funny, nice and enjoyable to be around. 


But no matter what, I couldn't get S out of my mind. I really loved being with N, but it felt like he was acting more as a friend than a potential boyfriend. It's funny how something so perfect on paper can feel so wrong in person. There was no spark at all, at least not for me. 


S called me on Skype twice tonight. Once when I was home, and once a few ours later when he was getting ready for his Expo. His friend M was there. I had a lot of fun talking to them and watching them get ready. It makes me excited for Seishun Con next week.


Talking to S feels so happy and relaxing. There's no stress or anything. I just love being around him, even if he lives a million miles away. 


I want to wait for him. 


~R


Hold me close to you
If only we had never met!
Just keep me next to you
And I'll spread my wings
Over Deneborah
And the selfish precessions
Just like you, my baby 

My Soap Opera

I'm about to fire the writers of my life on account of being completely unfair. 


My friend Issy keeps flirting with me. I don't like him like that, at all. He's been at it for about a year now, and it's just unwanted.  


I feel like crying so much. I'm seriously torn between S and this new guy I'll call N. I only just met him, but I already feel like I've known him forever. We go to all the same cons, hell we've even been in the same ROOM at least 5 times. He messaged me on OK Cupid 2 days ago, and that night we were up all night just talking to each other. I feel like he understands me more than anyone I've met in a long time. It helps that he's 18, really cute, goes to cons, is a Brony and likes Marble Hornets. 


So what's stopping me from going for it? S. I still have really strong feelings for him, and he seems to have the same for me. But he has a GIRLFRIEND, and lives in ENGLAND. I know that the obvious choice is that I should go try and go for N, but I feel like if I did that I'd be hurting myself and S. 


It doesn't help that S has a heart condition where if he gets depressed he gets a mini-heart attack. If I told him about this, he's probably have one. I can't live with myself knowing that I could put him in the hospital. I just don't know what to do. 


I get to meet N at Seishun Con. That weekend cannot come faster. 


~R

Attack of the Angst

Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right choices.


It seems lately that my love life and my social life are steadily falling apart. Some people who I used to call "the best friends I've ever had" seem to have forgotten my existence. Shi's birthday was Friday, and apparently there was a surprise party. 


Guess who the only one not invited was.


Not that I could have gone anyway, I mean I'm really sick and I was hosting a LeftPOORDead marathon for the guy I like (S). But still... they didn't even tell me. 


I think I'm starting to lose touch with myself. Ever since I left Centennial I feel like I'm losing more and more of my emotions. I'm starting to feel less, and care less. I spend all day in my room with no one to talk to except people online. It's so lonely that I want to cry, but I can't even do that. 


No, that's a lie. I can cry, but not for myself. I find myself crying more and more for other people. I feel so useless that I can't help them at all.


I miss 2009... 


The End of the World happened today. Pretty anti-climactic if you ask me- I'd rate it a 2. 


My love life is just as sucky as ever. To be honest, I'm stuck between two guys who I care about but who hate each other to death. It kills me inside that they talk about each other when they haven't had 10 minutes of interaction with each other. 


One of them (E) got his heart broken today, because the girl he likes went out on a date with someone. {When was the last time I actually went on a date...?}. I feel like crying because I know there's probably nothing I can do to help him. 


To be honest... I think I like E, but my feelings for S overpower that. Both of them have me wrapped around their little fingers, and it's only a matter of time before the both pull at the same time. 


I can see it in my mind what will happen for each. 


S would eventually find another girl. I know he would. The long distance wouldn't work out (for Christ sake, he lives in ENGLAND) and he would eventually find another girl.  


E would treat me like a princess, and care about me and we'd be happy, but that too would be doomed somehow. 


In the end, I'm just alone. 


I hate it, because every time I talk to S I feel like I'm at home, and like I belong for once. He doesn't keep me a secret from his friends, he even turns on webcam and lets me interact with everyone. Those are the times that I love most to be honest... I miss real human interaction. 


Seishun Con is coming up. I hope I can scrape together the money to go. I need the human interaction.


Tyler is gonna be there. I hope I don't end up punching him. I don't want to be banned from the con. 


~R


Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be North
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home ~Owl City "If My Heart was a House"

The Happy Ending

This fairy tale is nothing more than an ancient tragedy
Even Snow White made her mother wear cement 
Let the birds peck my eyes out and blind me
To the happy ending in front of me


Here comes Cinderella walking towards the prince
She's about to get that happy ending 
While I watch from the sides, as he stares at her false beauty
What a shallow prince 


This story bores me 
Every ending is the same
The Prince will never choose the one with the flaw
Perhaps I will change now
A happy ending is too cliche anyway


Because I don't even get the satisfaction of being "Juliet"
Because in the end there is no Romeo
My destiny is to be the ugly stepsister
Forever misunderstood
My story ends the same way


To many times has the big bad wolf gotten to me
Pretending to be a Prince
I forever stray from the path
Thinking that the most beautiful flower 
Is just out of reach of
The path I'm on


Come here little girl
I see that you have been tempted by the wolf as well
Let's take this ax and stain your cloak red
To match the blood of our innocence lost 
When we strayed from the path 
And threw away our story books

Typical Oddities

What's weird or odd for some people, I just see as everyday life. Most girls my age are obsessed with what dress to wear to prom, or losing weight. Me? I prefer to figure out what cosplay I should try next, or when the next Entry of Marble Hornets is. 


Can't say what inspired my online persona as Typical Oddities, but while I was signing up for Tumblr, it said I needed a name for my blog. Out of the corner of my mind, the words Typical Oddities came out, though the name didn't really click for a few hours. 


Not like anyone really cares though. 


So where am I in life? I don't wanna talk about it. All I know is that come September I might be moving to Tennesee with my online friend Staci. She's like a sister to me. 


Also, I'm kinda sorta possible completely really in love with this one boy who lives in England. 


I might continue updating this. I might not. 


~R


PS- Helvetica, because Arial is too mainstream ;D